"Phones" - Rambling for Sunday, 16 June, 2002

Wowee, it's been a while since I've done a rambling. But, as I wait for stupid ol' Jennings (curse its name) to connect, I sat down and decided I'll do a rambling. Well, I was already sitting down, but still.

So, my little friends, today's rambling is all about telephones and why their mystical power enthuses me so. You see, have you ever taken a telephone, and put it on a bench, then got a screwdriver, and taken apart the telephone, and looked inside? I haven't, but I imagine that inside the phone would lie a bunch of little phone pixies who can imitate my voice really well.

Which reminds me of a story. It happened to me, oh, just a few months ago. I'd just bought a new car (and a very nice car it was, too), and I was walking home when suddenly I heard a voice calling me. I looked around, and there was nothing there except a little wooden fence on the side of the road.

Hmm, I thought. The fence is speaking to me. "Yes, fence?" I asked. "What do you want?"

"Tom," said the fence, "I have a favour to ask."

"Sure thing, fence." I said, having known fence for a while, he's quite trustworthy and I owed him a favour anyway, because a little while before that encounter he managed to assist me in averting a potentially nasty accident involving a wine bottle, a coil of wire and a bakery table.

"Tom, I have a sore foot. Now, I know the law doesn't approve of euthanasia, but I'm in too much pain. Please put my out of my misery."

"Whoa, there, fence!" I screamed, which on reflection I think the screaming was a bit extreme, a mild gasp would have been appropriate, but there you go. "Whoa! Euthanasia? We're talking about sensitive issues here."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, Tom, I suppose you're right. Don't worry about it."

So I went home.