Welcome to the incredible world of pies. Pies, crusty, and full of meat ("meat" being a nice word for all the nasty bits of the carcass that you wouldn't eat otherwise - knuckles, eyes, testicles, and so on) - who could resist the mouth-watering temptation of a steak and onion with sauce?

Well I'll tell you who. Nathan. Yes, Nathan. No-one would have suspected him of it, but it's true. There's a story behind his vendetta against the delicious, pastry-wrapped offal servings - and a very intriguing one at that, full of mystery, lies, murder, deciet and lots of other stuff they put in previews for action movies. Here, I'll tell the story to you.

It was a rainy day in Oklahoma - this being not the town, but the Scandinavian forest it was named after. Nathan was sitting against a tree when a squirrel (and it was a squirrel from New Jersey, having come to Scandinavia on a long and exciting journey - but we'll save that particular story for another time, okay, Sally?) came down from the branches above Nathan's head. Nathan was sitting against a particularly tall tree, so the poor creature plummetted for at least three minutes. It landed near him, about three and a quarter inches from his left knee, to be exact. Really exact, that is. I suppose I didn't need to be quite so exact, I suppose. Oh well.

So, at that particular moment, Nathan was eating some couscous, which is a meal. My book says it's a Middle Eastern dish that is a lot like porridge, but apparently that's wrong. I don't know, I've never had couscous (but I have had porridge). Nathan liked couscous way back in the days when he liked supposedly-porridge-like foods. The squirrel landing near him was unexpected, and it caused him to laugh. His throat and nasal cavities opened up to allow for the burst of air that we call a belly laugh, and the flood of nitrogen/oxygen/carbon-dioxide/numerous other elements and compounds burst forward through his nose, taking the couscous with it.

There are many pleasing things in the world, such as pies. Nathan tells me that Middle Eastern Un-Porridge through the sinuses is not one of them.

And that's why Nathan hates pies. Stay gold, Ponyboy, and I'll be back next time for another rambling.

*It has been brought to my attention that Oklahoma is not a town, but a state. To this I say: the town Oklahoma is located about thirty kilometers (about four miles) north of the Himalayas.